Living the Good Life as Husband and Wife

by John Greene
updated January 2014

make or break your lifeBad associations spoil useful habits. This means that ‘who you hang with’ can and very often does have a major impact in your life. How much more important is a partner? A good partner can make or break your life. (Proverbs 18:22; 31:10-31; Ecclesiastes 9:9) What about your marital partner? Husband and wife share a unique covenant relationship with their Creator. How they treat one another and the degree of their commitment to each other – their unity and agape love are central to the success of their partnership. (Genesis 2:24; John 15:13; Luke 6:38; 1 Thessalonians 4:7; “Modern Society & Obsolete Marriage“; “Romantic Attachments: Sin & Righteousness“)

Bible PerspectiveOne of the largest challenges a Christian will face is growing into the mold of the mind of Messiah. This is not about some kind of perfection, but is about the sacrifice of the Messiah that completes, that makes you whole. In the flesh, this is a large proposition, a proposition that cannot be done without the guidance of the Holy Spirit [Sanctified, Set Apart Spirit]. I have known at least a few believers that wrongly believe that this renewal is an automatic process. They have been led to believe that once you ask for and ‘receive Yahshua [Jesus] in your life’, your problems are over and your flesh simply does supernaturally what it should under Elohim’s [‘God’, YHWH] divine power. While it is true that YHWH can instantly remove seemingly impossible strongholds from your life without any work on your part, you are not instantly transformed in every way. Instant and total transformation is a lie that builds false expectations and ultimately dooms a believer to failure and disappointment. (Romans 12:1-2; Philippians 2:2-5; 1 Corinthians 2:6-16; “Clarity: The Power of Righteous Marriage“; “Is YHWH in Your Marriage?“)

baptism of trust - Holy SpiritAlso, if any in the gathering of Messiah were totally changed to perfection, you would see this reflection in a body of believers. This is not in evidence. Many Bible translations use the word ‘perfect’ where the word ‘complete’ is more accurate. You and your marriage union are made complete through Messiah. YHWH’s Word completes you. (Matthew 5:48; James 1:4; 1 John 2:5, 4:12) Scripture says that the walk of a disciple is a day by day event that involves resisting the devil and combating old behaviors. This means changing so that you don’t continue to operate in old conditioned behaviors. Many of these behaviors come straight from childhood. Others you have learned or adopted over your lifetime. You will not be successful in remaking yourself without the power of your Heavenly Father, Who has promised His help. You can’t do it alone and don’t have to. (Ephesians 5:8; Galatians 5:16; 1 Corinthians 6:19-20; “Intimacy in Marriage“; “An Excellent Marriage is Possible“; “Porneia: Conduct of Disciples in the Sexual Realm“)

When Yahshua [Jesus] died for your sins, you gained the authority to do all things in Him. The battleground of the mind is very real and you will fight it every day. Elohim will help you to fight your battles. (Ephesians 6:10-14) Chances are, He is fighting certain battles for you already, although you may be unaware of this reality. In the battleground of your mind, you submit yourself to your Righteous Father first, (Matthew 6:33; 1 Peter 1:14; James 4:7; Hebrews 5:8: Proverbs 11:3; 1 Samuel 15:23) learning to remain in peace as you allow Elohim to handle what you cannot while resisting the devil. (Ephesians 6:16, 17; “Stay Away From Marriage Killers“)

Christian strongholdsAnything that you are unwilling to submit to YHWH will not change and will remain as a stronghold of the past, likely a stronghold that the devil will try to use against you and your loved one in marriage. If you are willing to honor Elohim by putting Him first, you stand for Him as a person and as a couple. (Matthew 6:33; James 4:7) Together with YHWH, you are a threefold cord that is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12; Ephesians 5:1-33; Proverbs 3:5-6; “The Garden of the Marriage Relationship“; “Dedicated Marriage: Love Is Divine“; “YHWH’s Marriage Bond is Special“)

bible-hug-internetA good attitude is vital. You aren’t perfect to be sure, but to the degree you are willing to apply YHWH’s Word in your life, you will see good results. (1 John 2:15-17) The Holy Spirit will complete you through Yahshua [Jesus]. Go to your Father in prayer when you need strength so that the Holy Spirit can begin to teach you joy through righteousness. (Matt. 11:28, 29; Psalms 16:11; Nehemiah 8:10) YHWH also tells His people to abide in Him in the secret place. (Psalms 91:1; Psalms 53:2; Psalms 31:19,20; Isaiah 54:17; John 15:7) This is your very own private prayer closet. When you are in your secret place with YHWH, you will need to do a lot of listening. (James 1:5) As a couple living in a chaotic and unsupportive world, one of the most important things that you can do is to watch what you say. Watch what you say, not only to each other, but to everyone. (Ephesians 6:18; 1 Timothy 2:8; “Marriage: Wise Words Bring Healing“)

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it” – Proverbs 18:21, NKJV

love divine patientJoy is the strength that you receive from being in Elohim’s presence and from spiritual peace in your life as a disciple of the Messiah. (Psalms 16:11) You also need to learn how to be thankful. (Psalms 100:4) Over time this thankfulness springs from your own spiritual growth. When you are thankful, you remember to say so. You don’t hide it. You also need to know how to talk to one another. One of the best things about a married couple is that they are able to build each other up as a brother and sister joined in Messiah through the Holy Spirit. (Isaiah 50:4) I almost forgot this one… you need to be able to do things without complaining. I have already recounted how we much watch the tongue, the power of the mouth. Complaining goes beyond that. If a complaining spirit bubbles up within you, you will be hard pressed to hold your peace. Complaining is the opposite of building up. For not a few of us, this is one of the hardest things to do. It goes right back to watching your mouth, and then exercising your joy and thankfulness. (James 1:26; Ephesians 4:29; Philippians 2:14; 1 Corinthians 10:9, 10; “The Gift of Love in Marriage“; “Love Is Not Easily Angered“)

the tough tongueBy keeping control of your words and resisting a complaining spirit you limit the opportunities that will give the devil a foothold in your life. (Isaiah 53:7; John 14:30; Philippians 2:14-16; James 5:9; 1 Peter 4:9) The best news is the devil can be defeated with the Word, just like Yahshua [Jesus] did. (Luke 4:12-13, 2 Corinthians 10:4) When you abide in Him, you are the righteousness of YHWH through Yahshua [Jesus], guided through the Holy Spirit. (Romans 3:22; 2 Corinthians 5:21) By limiting your mouth, you limit the effect that the devil can have in your life. This also means that you must operate beyond your feelings. (Mark 8:34) You need a discerning mind that walks in love. (Romans 12:10, 18-19; Philippians 2:3) Learning to walk in agape love is vital, a most important trait of a disciple of Messiah. (Ephesians 5:2) In a world confused about love, Christians can forget to focus on love. Instead a disciple may focus on prosperity, healing, success, some breakthrough in life, how to change someone or ‘how to get loved ones saved.’ If you want to be a witness for your Savior, you must walk in love. (John 13:34, 35; Luke 10:27; Matthew 7:1-2; “Spiritual Disease that eats at Your Salvation“)

Demonstrating love

Matthew 24:12 foretold the last days; the cooling off of love in the body of believers. (Matthew 7:1-5; 1 Thessalonians 4:11) This icy cold lack of love is derived from continually standing in judgment of others. In fact, if your love for people is icing up, you are walking down the wrong road. Evidence suggests that you are not on the narrow road leading to salvation. (John 13:24-25; 1 John 4:7-8, 18; Romans 13:8-10; Ephesians 4:32; “Christianity: The Love of the Greater Number“)

love in scriptureIf the body of believers had the same agape love that YHWH wants between man and wife, we would have brothers and sisters in Messiah that overflowed in love and fine works. In the world we live in now, with runaway independence to do whatever one pleases, commitment and unity within scores of marriages is at an all time low. It has even been suggested that divorce within the body of Christianity is higher than in the world at large. (“Real Love“; “The Truth About Anger“)

Don’t be fooled. How you receive from your Father depends on how you rest in Him, whether you allow the precious work of the Holy Spirit in you. If you refuse to reflect on His Word, to use it in your life and to be willing to develop a walk with YHWH through Yahshua [Jesus], you are no different from anyone else. Like any relationship, what you are willing to permanently invest impacts the results that you get. Through the active work of the Holy Spirit, Elohim is always directly available to you on a personal basis. However, when you walk away from Him, you are not available to Elohim. This is because walking away from YHWH causes separation from Him. (Hebrews 13:5; “The Struggle for Purity of Heart“; “Purity Starts Inside: A Lesson Through the Ages“)

holy spiritYou must realize your need. Take a step in your heart and mind, putting effort into your personal relationship with Him and your spouse. Everything else is your life flows from this simple reality in marriage. Abiding with your Heavenly Father depends on your willingness to rest in Him. This means listening to Him and carefully observing scripture, which changes everything in your life. (Isaiah 26:12; John 14:2,18,23) By abiding in YHWH’s rest, you build a life on a strong foundation, preparing to reap great blessings, and not just for yourself. (“Foundation of Salvation“; “Abiding With YHWH in Quiet Places“)

“See what I have seen: It is good and beautiful to eat and to drink and to see good in all his labor, which a laborer does under the sun, the number of the days of his life which The Elohim gives to him, for it is his portion. Also every man to whom The Elohim has given riches and treasures, and gives him power to eat of it, and to take his share, and to rejoice in his labor; this is the gift of Elohim. For he shall not much remember the days of his life, because the Elohim answers him in the joy of his heart.” – Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, HRB

Bible knowledgeA man who has put Elohim first in his life will reap the results. Because he can abide in closeness to His Father, YHWH can turn His Face to him, resulting in greater prosperity and witness to others around him. This is accomplished beginning with the study and knowledge of the Word, through prayer and intercession, by serving others and by allowing the Holy Spirit to dwell within. A disciple of Messiah is willing to put others ahead of self. (2 Samuel 22:3; Psalms 57:1; 5:11; 7:11; 9:9; 13:1; 17:7,15; 18:2,30; 25:20; 27:8; 31:1,2,4; 34:22; 46:1; 61:3,4; 140:13; 142:4; 143:7) While psalms in scripture often ask Elohim to provide “refuge” in a time of trouble, they also look forward to “seeing His face”–a goal that is valuable only to someone who deeply loves YHWH. To see Elohim’s face is to see and know Him personally, deeply, and without the clouds of mystery that fill the world of man. To see Elohim’s face is to have His Righteous Presence in your life. (“Trust God, Not World Leaders“)

“There is an evil that I have seen under the sun, and it is great among men: A man to whom The Elohim has given riches, and wealth, and honor, so that he lacks nothing for his soul of all that he desires; yet The Elohim does not give him the power to eat of it, but a stranger eats it; this is vanity, and it is an evil disease.” – Ecclesiastes. 6:1-2 (See also Isaiah 54:8; Micah 3:4; Ezekiel 39:14; Isaiah 59:2; Psalms 51:11)

This scripture shows a man who is unwilling to put YHWH first. He is not able to abide with Elohim and Elohim with him. As a result of a lack of thankfulness, the evil one comes into his life, to steal what he has- and whatever he can because of the attitudes of the heart. Through the husband’s headship, a family is to experience YHWH’s favor, which is only through proper spiritual leadership that the world of man doesn’t recognize. (“Prospering Your Family“)

“Blessed be the Elohim and Father of our Master Yahshua Messiah, who according to His great compassion has caused us to be born again to a living expectation through the resurrection of Yahshua Messiah from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and unfading, having been kept in the heavens for you, who are protected by the power of Elohim through belief, for a deliverance ready to be revealed in the last time,  in which you exult, even though for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by manifold trials,  in order that the proving of your belief – much more precious than gold that perishes, and proven by fire – might be found to result in praise and respect and esteem at the revelation of Yahshua Messiah,  whom having not seen, you love; in whom you exult with unspeakable and esteemed joy, yet not seeing, but believing, obtaining the goal of your belief: a deliverance of lives.

Therefore, having girded up the loins of your mind, being sober, set your expectation perfectly upon the favor that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Yahshua Messiah, as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts in your ignorance,  instead, as the One who called you is set-apart, so you also should become set-apart in all behavior, because it has been written, ‘Be set-apart, for I am set-apart.'” – 1 Peter 1:3-9, 13-16, ISR98

brotherly love requiredBased on what you have just read, you can see that love is not feelings alone, but a decision. Life has trials and married couples will go through those trials together or separately. Together with Elohim, as a three strand holy cord, a couple is much stronger together than apart. A couple is stronger in trust. A couple is stronger in spirit. A couple is stronger in prayer. A couple is strong when they have good communication and when they can be friends as well as lovers. (Ecclesiastes 6:1-4; Matthew 19:6; 2 Corinthians 5:17; “Divorce: Modern Family & the Authority of Law“; “Wisdom & the Battle of Two Kingdoms“)

marriage and faithfulnessA husband and wife demonstrate their love for each other by acknowledging that they each have needs. They are sometimes different needs and often complementary needs. There is no question that both men and women need adequate rest. When a husband comes home at the end the day, he often needs a short mental break so that he can properly relax and acclimate to home surroundings. On the other hand, a wife may arrive at home and immediately set into action in a flurry of activity and conversation. These are opposite responses that usually exist for a short time. Recognizing individual differences ensures mutual respect, affection and understanding. Most important is to have a good attitude and to speak the truth in your communication. Speak the truth in a way that will not hinder your relationship. Seek the scriptures and study on what YHWH’s Word says. (Mark 11:25; Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Peter 3:5-7; Romans 12:10; James 4:3, 5:16; “Love is Commitment“)

stressIn time of acute stress, a husband or wife can begin readopting segments of the ‘old man’ and ‘his behaviors’. That is why relationship is so important. When husband and wife maintain a healthy and caring relationship in the home a strong family is possible. Children will not seek love outside the family and attempt to undermine the family from outside. It has been said that behind every successful man you find a woman that played a vital role in it by protecting him and looking after his needs. Satan will try to take a foothold in your relationship through disagreements if you give him the opportunity. (Hosea 4:6; “Bible: Wisdom 101“; “Are You a Christian First or Last?“)

Men need sufficient rest and needs his wife to encourage him to do so. A wife needs sufficient rest and pampering, as her husband takes an active interest in that. Through reciprocation, a woman’s compassion for her man is clearly seen and means more. It builds and enhances the marriage relationship. There is great power between a man and his wife. There is greater power when each one of them holds on to Elohim in prayer for any situation that may arise in life. Miracles will come. When there is healing needed, ask for healing and work in line with that. (Hebrews 4:12; Titus 3:5; “Hindered Prayer in Marriage“)

prayer 2 YHWHWhen you have asked your Father, He has heard you. Honor that and wait for Him to provide without speaking negatively or to say anything pertaining to the prayer with anyone else. You’ve prayed, so believe Him for it and stand on it. Doubt and unbelief can slow and stop your prayer response. By asking others continually to assist you in prayer when you have already prayed for it, you demonstrate unbelief in YHWH’s ability and your relationship with Him. Enter into His rest and trust in Him. (“Roots of Salvation“)

breaking chainsElohim honors your prayers in a special way and your requests will pursue you. Elohim takes bondage away when you address them. When Satan works against you and you take notice, he has been uncovered. Entering into Elohim’s rest with a right attitude is necessary. Strife, jealousy and discord must be kept to minimum and eliminated. You whittle strife, jealousy and discord down until it does not exist in your relationship at all. Don’t overwhelm each other with unimportant matters. Married couples are to actively support one another no matter how they feel in a given moment. Your decision rests on what kingdom you will support. Are you going to obey YHWH or Satan and his agents? (Proverbs 12:4; 14:1; “Marriage: Grow in Truth & Love“; “Refuge & Trust in Marriage“)

As helpmates, mutual support and submission is necessary. A husband must enter into YHWH’s rest and a wife needs to support that. A wife must enter into YHWH’s rest and a husband needs to support that. The husband is to love his wife like Yahshua [Jesus] loves His people. (Ephesians 5:22-24) The wife is to submit in kind, supporting the family in a generally peaceful way. (Proverbs 21:9) A wife’s call in life is to make, not to break her partner’s life. A husband’s call in life is to love and cherish his wife. Both lay the foundation for the welfare of their family.

She shares with her husband the significant task of teaching their children YHWH’s track of righteousness. The man washes his family clean through the Word of Elohim. Scripture is a lubricant of loving-kindness. The Living Word cleanses the household so that it can be without blemish. A husband is to keep his wife clean and whole before Elohim, so that they can work together in all things. His wife is to respond to that in a proper way rather than looking down on him in attitude. (Ephesians 6:25-33; Proverbs 21:9; 21:19; 19:13b; 27:15; “The Secret Weapon of Christians“)

scripture searchThe value of husband’s spiritual commitment is immense and he is to live in a respectable manner. This can only be successfully done through the power of the Holy Spirit. A woman that listens to the world will find that she cannot submit to her husband. A wife is to submit properly to her husband by submitting through the power of the Holy Spirit. A husband is to do no less. (Ephesians 6:27) A wife is to love YHWH above all else, then her husband and children. A husband is to love YHWH above all else, then his wife and children. The relationship between husband and wife is vital to the children. They are to bring up the children in agreement together. If parents do not agree, they are to discuss it in private. If they cannot still agree, then they are to take the matter to YHWH in prayer. (“Marriage: Spur to Love & Good Deeds“)

family destructionIf a matter cannot be decided between the two of them, then the man is responsible as the head to make the right decision. They are answerable to YHWH for bringing up their children in a righteous way. (Proverbs 22:6, 29:15) Train up a child in the way that he should and when he is old he shall not turn from it. Spare the rod and spoil the child may be the most famous of Bible proverbs. Proverbs calls just punishment a form of love and says that parents who will not discipline their children are in danger of ruining them. Early training is essential in forming a person’s lifelong character. You can find persons that were brought up well and chose to reject their training. Even so, it can be said that good parents generally raise good children. Ultimately, what a child does when he or she grows into adulthood springs from childhood. (“Facing Adversity in Faith“)

prayerElohim wants His knowledge and the Holy Spirit instilled within children, but none of this can happen if a husband and wife do not love each other properly according to their Father’s Will. The children look to the parents to set their lifestyle, an example that is continually set before them. The children will emulate the lifestyle that their parents held. Wherever that lifestyle of love lacks, the child will often begin to look toward the world. The behaviors demonstrated in the home are often repeated in the lives of children, many times without even the children realizing it. They may be totally unaware of what they are doing and what they have seen in their parents down through the years. Parents who do the right thing are successful when they focus on things that are of the Father, the righteousness that renews the heart and mind. (Philippians 4:8; Ephesians 6:4; Proverbs 13:24, 20:11, 22:6, 29:15; “Family Stress Affects Generations“)

The tools that a parent needs to develop a prosperous and spiritual family life:

Changing your thinking changes your belief and behavior;
Change your expectations according to YHWH and expect His favor;
Change your beliefs, trusting what YHWH says;
Keep your footing firmly on the foundation of Elohim through Messiah;
Change your expectations and allow change in your attitude;
Change your attitude and change your trust;
Change your trust and live in YHWH’s track of righteousness.

Don’t allow the devil and his cronies to sidetrack you, to foist a spirit of offense or bitterness on you. Consider that your life has similarities to a garden that must be weeded and tended. From the time you rise in the morning, your thought life must not dwell continually on negativity, on the ways of the world. (Matthew 7:21-23; Hebrews 13:4; Ephesians 4:17, 6:11; “Overcoming Satanic Attack“)

marriage hugMarried couples must stay focused on YHWH and His spiritual provision to have a righteous life of fulfillment. Satan does not want you to focus on righteousness or what Father YHWH wants for you. You must decide what your treasure is and only you can decide this. Is your treasure Elohim? Husband? Children? Job? Car? Money? Let the YHWH Almighty be your treasure. You must avoid bad company and the places that evil inhabits. Stay focused on the things pertaining to YHWH and the mission that He has for you. Choose life and the love of your Father. (Matthew 6:19-34; John 3:18; 1 Corinthians 5:11, 13:1-7; 2 Corinthians 6:14, 13:5; 1 John 1:9, 2:15-17; Proverbs 13:20, 22:24-25; “Will Your Marriage Survive the Coming Global Shaking?“)

“For YHWH so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16, RNKJV
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for sending the Messiah, your only begotten Son to be my Savior. I believe in Him and have made this belief the center of my life. Because of this, by faith I have everlasting life! Thank you! I repent of my sins and of my past, freely admitting that I have fallen short of Your glory. I look fully forward to you in my life and commit my life to You. Thank You YHWH, my Heavenly Father for setting me free in the name of your Son Yahshua [Jesus]. Amen.
genuine-articleYou will never enjoy true freedom through the Messiah and power of the Holy Spirit unless you read and absorb the Bible in prayer and trust. You will never know this freedom until you experience it for yourself. Get to know your Heavenly Father, His Son and allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life. The Holy Spirit is your teacher, your Holy Counselor that lives in you to help you learn about the truth of YHWH and His spiritual gifts.
Satan does not want you to have the excellence of YHWH in your life. People pray for protection and want to be taken care of, but often do little in growing close to Him. The world, your husband, your wife, your family, your government do not build your trust in YHWH or free you from spiritual bondage. Your church or your pastor cannot save you. Education, power and money will not free you, but only the Word of your Heavenly Father. Salvation is a daily walk, an act of love for yourself and for those around you, not a one-time event that centers only on you. Make the Word of YHWH your own, your very life!
YHWH is Yahweh, the covenant name of your Heavenly Father.
The names Yahshua and Yahushua are original language names for Jesus,
He is often referred simply as the Messiah or Master.
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