Grieving Without Being Destructive

by John Greene

brotherly-loveLife is about relationships. From those same relationships in life also come the potential building blocks, footholds or the beginning of strongholds that grief can incite. While you can grieve almost anything, personal relationships are often the most challenging. Whether you consider a particular relationship to be wonderful or terrible doesn’t matter. You can be going through a separation or facing the end of a marriage. A dear friend or loved one can be taken from you in a moment through the unexpected, in times that you would least expect it. The experience of grief can take these life circumstances and magnify your feelings about them in ways that you wouldn’t expect. (John 14:27; Philippians 3:13-14, 4:6-9; 2 Corinthians 1:3-12; Psalm 23:1-6, 31:9-10, 73:26; “Family Stress Affects Generations“; “The Distortion of the Family & the Perversion of Justice“; “Prospering Your Family“)

hardened-heartYour heart is often hesitant to accept the loss of someone special to you, or any personal loss to yourself. At times you may begin to isolate yourself in the effort to avoid unwanted emotional influence. Your emotions may be somewhat unpredictable. You may feel confused, forgetful, disoriented and overwhelmed. You can be inclined to deny the reality of what you are enduring. Your life may feel out of control or unbalanced. As you likely already know, emotions can be intense and difficult to hold back. You may act in ways that you later regret. (Job 6:2-3) What do you do? The temptation is for you to minimize your struggle and to look for distractions – or to begin to live the live of an outcast away from others. However, denying or repressing the personal struggle that you face is most likely to hinder your healing and long-term well-being. The stress and pressure of these colliding emotions can even affect the smooth functioning of your body, causing a decline in health, even resulting in death. Identifying what you are experiencing is part of your personal healing, rather than pretending your feelings and trials don’t exist. (1 Thessalonians 4:13-18; 1 Corinthians 15:54-55; Psalm 34:18, 116:15, 147:3; Jeremiah 30:17; Isaiah 26:3, 40:31; “Masks & the Real Me“; “The Provision of Healing and Health“; “Dealing With Grief & Strongholds“)

“Possess what is true and do not sell it into slavery. Have wisdom in righteousness, reproof and understanding ” – Proverbs 23:23, direct translation

sufferIn living and coping with grief you will probably notice that your feelings aren’t orderly, but appear to be chaotic. I’ve certainly encountered this in my experience with grief. While others around you may be weary of this period in your life, pretending that life is wonderful is hardly an answer. You really don’t have the luxury of pretending. You’re inclined to lie, to tell people what you think they want to hear, or to simply skip past the topic. Your experience with grief continues, regardless of what other may think or wish. Repressing and denying the grief that you are enduring has consequences. Repression without considering your clashing of emotions easily leads to resentment, and even depression. Anger and rage can also be the outcome. These powerful emotions are likely to rise up. (Proverbs 29:11) Being slow to express anger is useful, as you examine the roots of what you are experiencing, the vulnerabilities and fears that you may be holding on to. This is a time when prayer is most valuable, as a protective tool of healing. This must be your focus. (Matthew 6:6; Luke 18:1; 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Romans 8:26; “Grief is a Challenge You Will Win“; “The Truth About Prayer“; “Breakthrough Prayer: Grief“; “Breakthrough Prayer: Personal Healing“; “The Power of Prayer Depends On You“)

“Being slow to anger is more favorable than the power of the mighty, having dominion over the spirit than occupying a city.” – Proverbs 16:32, direct translation

I should know about such things, for anger has been a continuing companion in my life, just as it probably is for you at times. The good news is that you and I don’t need to use this an an excuse for sin, in harming ourselves and others. (Ephesians 4:26) The roots of anger are fear, the grounding that few of us want to admit. That fear can be quite strong, which can create quite an uproar of anger. Yes, many of us quietly fear, some of us not so quietly. (“Opposing Fear“; “The Truth About Anger“; “The Stronghold of Anger“; “Understanding Sin“)

despair-sm1Some would also tell you about the value of journaling your feelings. Personally, I find that the personal expression of what I am dealing with through prayer is most helpful – and prayer can’t and won’t be used against you. YHWH isn’t that way. However, if you have been especially keen to journal your experiences and feelings, you might consider burning your journal after you write it. No joke. People twist any tool they can find against you. Why set yourself up, even potentially? That’s the world we live in, the world that man has created and continues to create. On the other hand, your prayer life is personal and safe. When you are in your ‘prayer closet’, in your quiet place, you are alone with your Father. Only He hears you. Are you prepared for a response? You need to be. (1 Peter 5:6-9; “YHWH’s Prayer Shawl of Protection“; “Abiding With YHWH in Quiet Places“; “Disciples: His Showbread Walking Out His Righteousness“)

Set Apart RuachAs your Counselor, Elohim’s Spirit in you, (the Set Apart Spirit [‘Holy Spirit‘]) is your link to your Father, the link that Yahshua [Jesus] made possible. So why not use this Tool? Why be afraid or ashamed? Why push against what scripture teaches? Learn to expect a response. (John 14:16-17; Galatians 5:16; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Titus 2:14; 1 Peter 2:8-9) Learn and expect to listen. You will likely be pleasantly surprised at what you will hear in return. You won’t hear this advice everywhere, even as a Christian, but this is exactly what you need to know about when you are dealing with grief, and especially in the loss of a relationship. (1 John 1:9-10; Psalm 39:2-3) You need a Counselor, and human doesn’t quite do it. This doesn’t mean that you don’t need people. They don’t necessarily know what you need either, so be honest and open with them. Elohim works through people everyday and you are built for community. When you need help or to talk, just avoid those people that are annoyed by your plight or are clearly avoiding you. You need safe people around you, sometimes even others that are encountering the same life struggle. Encouragement through groups can be helpful, even instrumental. But more than anything, realize that healing like this takes time. Don’t hope for healing, expect healing as the promise and provision of your Father. (Revelation 21:4, 7-8; Colossians 4:2; James 5:13-18; Proverbs 11:2, 15:13-14; 26:12; Numbers 23:19; “Discernment: Having an Ear to Deeper Understanding“; “Discernment the World Doesn’t Have“; “The Struggle of Kingdoms Involves You“; “The Struggle for Purity of Heart“)

“There exists a way of life that faces righteousness, but the end is the road to death.” – Proverbs 16:25, direct translation

You need the Elohim’s Set Apart Spirit and the power of scripture because there is no substitute for His counsel and healing.

“YHWH my Elohim, I cried out for freedom into your healing. YHWH, you have raised me from the grave, preserved me alive from being brought down into the cistern of prison.” – Psalm 30:2-3, direct translation

anger-forgiveWhen you lose someone, you may become angry at them. This can be especially troublesome or destructive to you when you are grieving the loss of a loved one through death. Unless suicide was involved, your dear one had nothing whatever to do with the moment he or she left you. You haven’t been rejected or intentionally abandoned, even if you had unfinished business that you would have rather dealt with. I know that 50 years later, Ruth still had real feelings of anger toward her father for leaving her when he died. She was young and was dealing with another life crisis at the time at a minimum. Life often challenges your ability to cope, so you might not truly cope. You distract yourself. You pretend to move on. You also can get stuck right where you are. You might experience survivor’s guilt. You hold on to feelings that bloom into strongholds of their own. These can boomerang years later. Grief, especially unresolved grief, is like that. In dealing with grief, nobody is truly an expert. That is why it’s helpful not to avoid grief, but with the help of your Father and Counselor, travel through it. (Matthew 11:28-30; John 16:33; Psalm 13:1-6, 34:17, 130:5; “Disciples & the Occult of the World“; “The Challenge of Living in Righteousness“; “YHWH’s Track of Righteousness“; “Grief: Living Your Thanks in Poverty or Plenty“)

Please consider that while death can take a person from this world, the truth of Deuteronomy 31:8 remains –

“YHWH came to you, came to be with you; not to fail, nor to forsake. Fear not, nor be broken down.”

accuseYHWH is your Source and a Friend that helps. You can blame Him, but should you? He is with you through all things, and understands. He sent His Son to insure that this is so, and that you know this. Be fully aware of the source of anger and other feelings, but you have the choice about whether these will become masters, or destructive strongholds that create ruin in your life and the lives of others. Don’t allow your emotions to ruin you. Remember that only you can separate yourself from the love of your Heavenly Father. He will not stop trying to get your attention, to get you to experience His caring in your life. That’s the Way He is, even though this life is not where your significance is. (Romans 8:38-39) You don’t have hope or need wishful thinking, you have the expectation of His promises as you abide in Him. That’s about belief, about trust, what you know to be true. That’s because trust in Him really means something rather than platitudes of pretense that the world knows. Get honest with yourself and place your trust where you know it must go. Root out strongholds and adverse influences from the world. Refuse to sell yourself into slavery. Obtain what is righteous and rightly yours. (Hebrews 11:6; 1 John 3:22; 2 Timothy 4:7-8; Psalm 139:7-8; 1 Chronicles 16:11; “YHWH: The Choice to Stay Loyal“; “The Great Apostasy of Unrighteousness“: “YHWH Cares About Your Pain & Grief“; “Trusting in YHWH Instead of Princes“; “A Branch of the Vine through Trust“)

“For YAHWEH so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son,
that everyone believing into Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
John 3:16, HRB
Heavenly Father,
Thank you for sending the Messiah, your only begotten Son to be my Savior. I believe in Him and have made this belief the center of my life. Because of this, by faith I have everlasting life! Thank you! I repent of my sins and of my past, freely admitting that I have fallen short of Your righteousness. I look fully forward to you in my life and commit my life to You. Thank You YHWH, my Heavenly Father for setting me free in the name of your Son Yahshua [Jesus]. May it be as you have promised!
genuine-articleYou will never enjoy true freedom through the Messiah and power of the Holy Spirit unless you read and absorb the Bible in prayer and trust. You will never know this freedom until you experience it for yourself. Get to know your Heavenly Father, His Son and allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life. The Holy Spirit is your teacher, your Holy Counselor that lives in you to help you learn about the truth of YHWH and His spiritual gifts.
Satan does not want you to have the excellence of YHWH in your life. People pray for protection and want to be taken care of, but often do little in growing close to Him. The world, your husband, your wife, your family, your government do not build your trust in YHWH or free you from spiritual bondage. Your church or your pastor cannot save you. Education, power and money will not free you, but only the Word of your Heavenly Father. Salvation is a daily walk, an act of love for yourself and for those around you, not a one-time event that centers only on you. Make the Word of YHWH your own, your very life!
YHWH is Yahweh, the covenant name of your Heavenly Father.
The name Yahshua [Y’shua] is an original language name for Jesus.
He is often referred to simply as the Messiah or Master.
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